he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk is not a location!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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