better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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