what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
