if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
