Ketchup is God's man juice
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
