ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize