I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
