dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
