Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Found your dick twin last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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