Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
