I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
