I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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