Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
