You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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