dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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