no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
