It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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