Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
