I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
