I want to make a zoo with you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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