I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
