i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Terrible idea I love it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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