Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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