:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize