it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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