You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
