So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
