I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You ate ashes out of my bong
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
