Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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