My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
