Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
