I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
