yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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