I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
