Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
