K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
