you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
