Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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