He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
