just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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