She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize