Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
