Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
