If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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