When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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