you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
