i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
