And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
