He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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