That's when you crack a 10am beer
everyone is single if you try hard enough
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
