you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
