did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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