kristin has been a bad kristin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
