My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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