I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
