I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
