Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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