I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
