was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I understand Curling. That high.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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