First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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