Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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