And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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