Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
