At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
