I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
