just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
